Tickles McGinty's Kings Hockey Blog

Presidents' Trophy Now Out Of Reach For The Kings

2008-02-29T14:41:00.001-08:00

After Thursdays 5-4 loss against the Edmonton Oilers, the Los Angeles Kings were officially eliminated from winning the Presidents' Trophy, awarded to the NHL team with the most points in a season. Even if the Kings won every game for the rest of the season, the best that they could do is tie Detroit's current league leading 90 points, and in the event of a tie I'm pretty sure they'd give it to the team that won the season series between the two. But actually, now that I think about it, Detroit would have to lose every game for the rest of the season too, and another team would probably get the Presidents' Trophy anyhow if the Red Wings sucked for the rest of the season. So the only way the Kings could get the Presidents' Trophy would be if every team in the NHL lost every game for the rest of the season... which I'm pretty sure isn't possible. And even if it were, the best the Kings could do would be to tie, like I said. Actually, the more I think about this, the more it doesn't make sense. But you know what? I was never good at math, and that's why I am going to school to be a journalist, not a mathatist. I don't HAVE to know numbers and stuff, I just need to be able to punctuate good and be able to use a spell-checker.

You know what? It's a stupid trophy anyway, so who cares.

Tickles

Blake Dramarama, continued

2008-02-26T08:24:00.000-08:00

UPDATE: As of 8:14 am, Rob Blake had not been traded to the Ducks.

UPDATE: At of 8:33 am, Rob Blake had pancakes for breakfast, but decided to have regular Maple Syrup, instead of his usual Blueberry Passion Syrup (East coast team? Or the Maple Leafs?). But as of this update Rob Blake had not been traded to the Ducks.

UPDATE: OK, I have to go to school, but it's a lecture class and the professor is sooooo boring, so I will keep track on my phone and text in my updates. Oh, and as it turns out, Blake DID have the Blueberry Passion Syrup on his pancakes this morning, it was just the Trader Joe's brand which has a different bottle. So I think the Toronto deal is off.

UPDATE: Ugg... this teacher is so boring. He is lecturing about the book "As I Lay Dying", and I didn't think the book could be made more boring but Mr. P has already induced a coma into the first five rows of the class. I'm in row seven, so I don't have much longer. But, as of 11:25 am, Rob Blake had not been traded to the Ducks.

UPDATE: OK, row six is down, and the goth chick next to me is getting even more bleary-eyed than she usually is. But so far, as of 12:10, Rob Blake has not been traded to the Ducks.

Developing...

.

Blake May or May Not Waive No-Trade Clause

2008-02-25T19:29:00.000-08:00

According to sources who may or may not be connected with the talks that may or may not be happening, it is now believed that Rob Blake may or may not waive his no-trade clause. Some insiders close to the situation have even gone so far as to say it's 50/50. "I'm almost certain we will know by Tuesday afternoon, Wednesday at the latest." said the source.

UPDATE: As of 7:54 pm, Rob Blake had not been traded to the Ducks.

UPDATE: As of 8:22 pm, Rob Blake had not been traded to the Ducks.

UPDATE: As of 8:36 pm, Rob Blake had not been traded to the Ducks.

UPDATE: As of 9:02 pm, Rob Blake had not been traded to the Ducks.

UPDATE: As of 9:16 pm, Rob Blake had not been traded to the Ducks.

UPDATE: As of 9:29 pm, Rob Blake had not been traded to the Ducks.

UPDATE: As of 9:45 pm, Rob Blake had not been traded to the Ducks.

UPDATE: As of 10:08 pm, Rob Blake had not been traded to the Ducks.

UPDATE: 10:28. Just got word that something may or may not be happening. Will let you know.

UPDATE: Nevermind, I thought I saw it said "Blake something, something, something" on the ESPN crawler thing, but it was about some weight lifter trying to brake a record. Anyway, ss of 10:52 pm, Rob Blake had not been traded to the Ducks.

UPDATE: *yawn* Good Morning! As of 8:01 am, Rob Blake had not been traded to the Ducks.

Developing...

.

Cammy and a Pic of a Stickman With an Arrow Pointing to its Head

2008-02-25T17:04:00.000-08:00

OMG!! So I was at Tip-A-King last night and I'm having Michael Cammalleri sign my PCC yearbook (Go Lancers! woot!), and Cammy looks at me and says "Hey, you're that girl, ah... Chicklets. Yea, you're that Chicklets girl!" And I was like "Uh, nooo... but could you please sign my PCC yearbook 'cuz I like paid you a dollar and stuff." Then he starts signing my yearbook ('2 Big 2 Be Forgotten' - with a pic of a stick man with an arrow pointing to its head) and he says, "No I know you. You're that Chicklets girls who gives me a hard time or her blog."

Uh oh...

I know this is going to sound weird and stuff, but I kinda forgot all about my Kings Hockey blog. A new season of American Idol had started and I was like all over Sanjaya Malakar, and when the people started saying he was not good and stuff well I just had to jump to his defense because he was and is good and stuff. That's when I met Tricia, my new BFF! (Yo T-Girl!!) who's dad is like some lighting director of something on American Idol, and me and T were going to every episode of the show with our blingin Sanjaya posters and we were even on TV a couple of times with our cooolio signs. So eventually when Sanjaya was voted off, April 18, 2007, I was so depressed. And all I got in my email was a bunch of hater mail from those jerks on Yahoo Groups who hated Sanjaya (or was jealous more probably). So chilled at T's house everyday because she has the awesome pool.

So anyway, I forgot all about my Kings blog until Cammy drew that picture in my yearbook and started calling me "Chicklets". And even though American Idol is back on, I promise I won't forget about it again, since there is no one as talented as Sanjaya or Constantine Maroulis, and Paula isn't acting all drunk and stuff this season either.

So where do I start?

Roenick: Life After Hockey

2007-03-07T21:00:00.000-08:00

Tickles to London

2007-03-02T15:59:00.000-08:00

More to come...

Exclusive Jeremy Roenick Interview

2007-02-28T22:44:00.000-08:00

Wow, it's been a long time since I chimed in about Jeremy Roenick here on LetsGoTickles. Apparently, forgetting about JR is a pretty easy thing to do. I guess that's why he needs to keep opening his pie-hole to any feckless reporter that will listen, excreting his self-promoting blatherings all over the newspapers like a puppy in training. And as the trade deadline approached, JR made it known to the world that he would gladly accept a trade to a playoff bound team. I'm sure there are a few Kings fans who are still paying off the 05-06 Kings Season Tickets that they put on their credit cards who, for once, were glad they weren't a "playoff bound team". But while 29 general managers collectively peed their pants in laughter, the trade deadline came and went without so much as a "thanks, but no thanks" for Mr. Roenick. Well, in this LetsGoTickles exclusive, I spoke to JR by phone in his first interview after not being traded to a contender.

LetsGoTickles: Hey JR, how are you today?

Jeremy Roenick: Uh, good.

LGT: So are you disappointed that no GM's of "Stanley Cup contenders" were drunk enough to trade for you at the deadline?

JR: Who is this?

LGT: Assholesayswhat.

JR: What?

LGT: Huh?

JR: How did you get this number?

LGT: I think they should bypass the three-year waiting period and get you inducted into the Hall of Lame immediately. Wouldn't you agree.

JR: Well, I'm still playing, so it's a bit early to start talking about the Hall of Fame...

LGT: No, I said "Hall of Lame". LAME. It's not too early for that, I don't think.

JR: Look, don't call me anymore...

LGT: Homosayswhat.

JR: What?

LGT: Huh?

(*click*)

I hope to bring you Part 2 of my exclusive interview with Jeremy Roenick soon, but that depends entirely on JR's ability to block calls on his cell phone. I'll keep you posted.

###

Let's Go Sopel!

2007-02-27T10:32:00.000-08:00

OMG! I am soooo excited! So every year the Kings have this thing called Tip A King, where the fans get to meet all the players and get autographs and stuff, and it was the other day and it was SO MUCH FUN! But that 's not the best part. So I was talking to Brent Sopel at his table and he's signing my jersey and he signs my player card and he says "So what's your name?", real nice and all, and I say "My name is Tickles.". And he goes "Tickles? Tickles McGinty? With the blog?", and I'm like "OMG! YES!YES!YES! That's me! That's me!" And he goes on to tell me that he reads us every day and that we are his favorite and he likes it when I say "Don't drop the Sopel". I was causing a scene because I was so excited by this. I couldn't believe it. So I asked him if he would like to do an interview for LETSGOTICKLES, and he said "Yeah, that would be great!". I'm supposed to meet him at the Healthsouth practice facility tomorrow and so I can do the interview and take pictures with him after the Kings practice. I asked if I could bring my video camera to tape it so I could put it on the blog and he said that would be cool. He also said he could introduce me to Mattias Norstrom too since I wasn't able to meet him at Tip A King (I figured I'd just get to him next year)! I am soooo jazzed... I can't wait! I am going to ask him what it's like to play for the Kings, and how he likes finally being part of the nucleus of the team that they are rebuilding around. What else should I ask? I feel like I am finally going to get to be like my favorite blogger, that Kat19 girl on Ecklund's site. Maybe someday I'll get to work for a professional website like that. OMG OMG OMG I can not wait! LetsGoSopel!

Rob Blake's Desperate Cry For Help

2007-02-25T22:03:00.000-08:00

Los Angeles Kings defenseman Rob Blake suffered what many insiders are calling "symptoms of extreme exhaustion", but what others are saying is a massive emotional breakdown.

The day started out with Blake demanding to be traded, followed by a demand to have his number retired immediately, which was then followed by yet another demand for his own personal "Blake Mobile", a modified golf cart which Blake would use to transport himself from the locker room to the ice. "He had sketches and everything." said an insider, "It actually looked pretty cool. It had spinners and a whack paint job..." But following hours of negotiations, the situation seemed resolved and Blake had agreed to stay and not waive his no-trade clause.

However, when asked about the situation by reporters after that evening's game against the Colorado Avalanche, Blake became visibly angered and ran to the trainers room and shaved his head in front of an astonished Dean Lombardi. When approached by Lombardi, Blake quickly left the locker room and proceeded to leave Staples Center. He was later seen by reporters going into Figueroa Ink, a well known downtown tattoo parlor, where he got what witnesses are calling a Sakic Whale Tail. "He was talking crazy stuff. Completely insane nonsense." said a witness "He was saying that the Kings were going to win the Cup and that Shawn P. Roarke was a hockey genius. We're talking some wacky stuff, here..."

"Rob was very emotional about playing his old team. In particular, playing against some of his old teammates whom he was close to. Very close to." said a spokesman. "And upon further discussion, we have decided to agree to give Rob his "Blake Mobile". Hopefully that will calm things down."

Rob Blake was not available for comment.

###

Aaron Miller's Hairiest Fan Anxiously Waits

2007-02-21T23:38:00.000-08:00

Randy Poontash of Altadena is nervous about the upcoming NHL trade deadline. Before every Kings home game Randy's wife Barbara shaves the number 3 in his back-hair before they go to Staples Center. Then Randy takes his seat in section 303, row 3, seat 3. "It's all about Aaron Miller for me. And if he gets traded like some say he will, then I guess I'll stop shaving my back." says the semi-retired body cavity search technician. "I guess I could shave it into an 8, but that's Mike Weaver's number, and shaving Mike Weaver's number into your back-hair is kinda dumb. Aaron Miller's number? Well that makes perfect sense. But Mike Weavers, not so much."

Randy's wife Barbara was too embarrassed to comment.

###

Michael Cammalleri has an enormous head.

2007-02-19T10:52:00.001-08:00

Every time I mention the fact that Cammi has a very large head that is similar in shape and size to a Virginia ham, I get tons of e-mails from from people explaining that I should like Michael Cammalleri. Well, I never said I didn't like Michael Cammalleri. Actually, I have grown quite fond of him in a Vince Vaughn kinda way. But he does, in fact, have an enormous head. And when sitting on top of his freakishly small body, well, it looks even bigger. I'm not saying he's like the kid in Mask, but he's one bad haircut away from doing a pretty good imitation.

But the other night on the post-game show, Cammi was on and anyone who thinks I'm crazy just need to look at this video. It's creepy. In a Vince Vaughn kinda way.

~Tickles

Instant Karma Police

2007-02-17T18:41:00.000-08:00

So the other night against Nashville, that Erat guy thought he could take a run at Anze Kopitar without having to pay for it. Normally, that would actually be the case. But for some reason, the Kings decided to actually "Play Hard". 'Bout time...

This video is pretty cool since it tells the story about Erat learning a lesson about hitting our boy Anze a bit too high. But I've never heard this version of Karma Police before. The middle part sounds like that old-timey hippie music my uncle listens too.

KopitArt Exhibit v.2

2007-02-16T10:49:00.001-08:00

More love for Anze Kopitar.

Av's Player Enters Rehab: Addicted to Guitar Hero II

2007-02-07T10:29:00.000-08:00

DENVER - Colorado Avalanche defenseman Karlis Skrastins has voluntarily entered rehab for what team officials are calling "a bizarre addiction to the video game Guitar Hero II".

Sources say that everyone has been aware of Skrastins' situation for some time, but that lately things started to "spiral out of control". "Look, we all love Karli," said an Avalanche center that wears number 19 who asked not to be indentified, "but when you're shorthanded and you have a guy 'rocking out' in the defensive zone... well, that's just not good for anybody."

Avalanche President Pierre Lacroix was hopeful for a full and quick recovery, but tried not to appear too optimistic. "It's got that Danzig tune, the one about his mother. And You Really Got Me, the Van Halen version, not the crappy Kinks version. And when is the last time you heard Cheap Trick? C'mon, Surrender is like one of the greatest songs ever. Look, we're all pulling for Skrastins, but seriously, he's jamming to Surrender." said Lacroix. "You know, people think we call him Iron Man because he's played in over 800 straight games. But really it's because the guy can get a perfect score playing Iron Man by Black Sabbath... at the expert level. The guy really does rock."

Calls to Skrastins' agent were not immediately returned.

###

Rebuilding? Reboring.

2007-02-06T11:53:00.000-08:00

I knew it was gonna happen. I knew that the Kings were going give me one less reason to watch them. Sure, Kopitar is a stud. Yeah, Frolov stopped with the wrap-arounds and realized that it is possible to shoot from in front of the goal. And yes, Cammi with his big Virginia Ham head perched on top of his garden gnome body is actually scoring some goals. But watching these guys score goals when the Kings are down 4-1 just isn't that exciting. Losing is losing. Sucking is sucking. Kings hockey is Kings hockey. Add to that the suckiest suck of suckage that ever sucked goaltending, well, then you find yourself looking for the little things to entertain you. Little things like a Rob Blake hip check. What? Oh, he doesn't really do that anymore? He's too busy providing leadership? OK, well then there's Dustin Browns slamming body checks. What? Oh, he doesn't really do that much anymore? Well, OK, then there's at LEAST Sean Avery to entertain us. Like a drunk monkey with a loaded gun, he's at least fun to watch. And the worse the team plays, the drunker that monkey gets. "Look out! What's going to happen next? At least I'm being entertained while the worst team in THE ENTIRE NHL STINKS UP THE ICE." What? The Kings traded Sean Avery?

Yup, they sure did. Sean Avery is now a New York Ranger. Well, I guess the timing couldn't have been better. America Idol's new season just started, so maybe I start an American Idol blog. Because the other night, they had on this 300 pound woman with missing teeth who looked like her ankles were about to snap as she danced and couldn't remember the words to "I Will Always Love You" so she screeched out lyrics that she made up on the spot and she was so out of tune that even Paula couldn't say anything nice about her and it turned out she was like 50 years old anyway. Yes, she sucked. She sucked bad. As bad as the Kings. But do you know what? At least she was fun to watch.

Good luck Sean. And I....... ee I ee I.... will always love you........

~ Tickles

Burke Du Soleil

2007-02-04T22:27:00.000-08:00

So here's what I know about the year 1967: There were no cell phones. No internet (well, there may have been an internet, but since there were no computers, the internet was pretty lame I would guess). There was no cable television (I called my Grammy and she said that there were only three channels on the TV. OMG!). No iPods. No microwave ovens. No Sobe Ice Tea. No Red Bull. No Guitar Hero II (or Guitar Hero I probably either). No American Idol. No laptops. No blogs.... How anyone could wake up in 1967 an not just slit their wrists from sheer boredom is beyond me. I mean, how do you get any work done without an iPod?

But do you know what was around in 1967? Beehive hair-dos and Sean Burke. That's right, the Kings newest goalie was around when the last of the dinosaurs still walked the earth. And after watching him shut-out the Panthers, I'd say that the old guy still has some Metamucil in the tank. 40 shots. The guy stopped 40 shots! That's one shot for every year he's been alive. Yeah, that's a lot. Cloutier was stopping maybe 40 shots a week. Oh well, since Cloutier ended up getting surgery, we won't have to worry about that for the rest of the season. Not unless the Kings end up getting deep into the playoffs. But the odds of that have to be something like 4 to 1.

~ Tickles

Ovechkin Has A Power Evil Cannot Imagine

2007-01-30T16:23:00.000-08:00

So I was watching Pan's Labyrinth last night when it suddenly occurred to me that I was not actually in a movie theater, and the movie itself seemed kinda like a hockey game, and Pan was wearing a Capitols jersey. "Huh?" I thought to myself, "This must be some kinda promotional thing that they are doing on the east coast or something."

Turns out that I was just watching the Washington/Ottawa game. But I must say that regardless of how awesome Alexander Ovechkin is on the ice, he looks kinda creepy.

Come out, come out, wherever I am (Part 1)

2007-01-30T15:54:00.000-08:00

Boy, this blogging stuff sure is hard. Not the writing part, heck I write about 20 pages a day in my Dream Journal alone, so that isn't a problem. No, it's the dealing with people who are always trying to mess you up. The haters. (I spell it with an 's' - haters - not a 'z' - haterz. I don't want people to think I'm dumb and stuff. OK?) So here's what's been going on...

A while ago I mentioned on here about the Anze graffiti that was popping up all over the place for a while. I just mentioned it, that's all. Then someone who reads my blog e-mailed me and said that they knew who was doing it, and I wrote back and said "Cool, can they send me a copy of the graphic so I can print them up on Cafe Press and make an Anze t-shirt and some caps for my friends?" So I guess he showed that to his graffiti friend, and then his graffiti friend - we'll call him Mr. Tagger Guy - emails me himself:

Subject: Yo yo yo from the LBC

Yo Tickles, gladz yo likes da art and all, buts you can't be printin deez. aight? youse can post this pic up on yo site, but don you guyz be thining yo be makin moneyz off o me cause i get me LAWYAS up in yo bizz aight?

xxxx xxxxxx (<- I'm not gonna print his name)

Now I didn't really understand his email very much because it was hard too read (did you notice all the z's at the end of his words? Now do you see what I mean?) But anyway, he sent a cool picture of the graffiti and I put it on my blog, LIKE HE SAID I COULD DO. Then next thing you know, ESPN the Magazine has a story about the graffiti and they use the picture that Mr. Tagger Guy sent me. The very next day I get an e-mail from a jerk lawyer asking me to contact him. I call and he says that Mr. Tagger Guy is suing me for $150,000...

to be continued

Anze Desktop Wallpaper

2007-01-09T10:38:00.000-08:00

So this guy who has helped me with some of my graphic stuff has made a pretty cool Anze Kopitar Wallpaper for my computer. It has a calendar on it and everything. He said I could post it and share it here, but not to tell his name to keep his "subterfuge", whatever that is. I think it's a car, like a Hummer, but I don't know why he would lose his car just because he helps me with graphics. Anyway, here's the ANZE WALLPAPER.

~ Tickles

The Buchwald Report

2007-01-06T15:16:00.000-08:00

So I had a chance to speak with my good friend Ken Hitchcock the other day. I'm glad to see him working again, but I must admit that I was hoping that he wouldn't get a new job until after the holidays. You see, Ken, new Blues coach Andy Murray and Ray Ferraro have a Motorhead tribute band called "Ice of Spades" that I was really hoping to see do a New Year's Eve show. They pretty much only play during the off-season, but for a while Ken and Andy weren't doing anything, and Ray would drop his Oilers color commentator gig in a heartbeat just to put on the wig and get behind the drum kit. But then Andy got hired by the Blues, and Kenny got picked up by the Blue Jackets, and I was back to sitting at home watching Dick Clark's New Year's Rockin' Eve all by myself. But if you ever get the chance, be sure to check out Ice Of Spades. They totally rock. For my money, Kenny does the best Lemmy around. He even wears prosthetic moles and everything.

But while Hitch and I were talking the subject turned to hockey, as it always does. He mentioned that he didn't know anything about any trade rumors, but he did have some inside scoop on some rule changes that were going to be implemented in an effort to increase scoring...

• He said that bigger nets have been ruled out, but they are going to make the pucks smaller. Also, the pucks will be colored white and covered in slippery silicone.

• Like basketball, the NHL will be using the three-point shot. Goals scored from outside the blueline will be worth 3 points. Goals scored from between the blueline and the faceoff dots will be worth 2 points.

• The schedule will be adjusted so that all teams get to play the LA Kings more often. This idea is only in it's early stages and some thing that it will result in too much scoring.

He said that there were also rumors about replacing hockey sticks with a cross-bow like device that Easton has developed, but that may be two or three seasons away.

Motor City Pad Man

2007-01-01T21:50:00.000-08:00

It certainly is amazing what a good goalie can do for a team. As a Kings fan, of course I can't really attest to this. I just get to see what it's like for other teams that have good goalies. Yeah, apparently Roger Vachon was pretty impressive, but that was like 100 years ago when they didn't even play night games because electricity hadn't been invented yet. But ever since then, Kings goalies always seem to be still playing in the dark anyway. Before Cloutier there was Chokemanic, before hime there was Potvin, before him Storr, and before him somebody else whose name I don't know but probably sucked anyway. How nice would it be to have a guy like Hasek, who, even though he's in his late 60's, can still play a heck of a game in net. It must be nice. You know, even an average goalie would be nice. Not special like Hasek, but not Special Olympics like Cloutier. The Kings have made me start longing for average. Ain't that nice.

Oh well, I hope everyone's New Year was... average.

~ Tickles

Roenick Watch

2006-12-30T21:54:00.000-08:00

Money Back Garon-tee

2006-12-28T22:15:00.000-08:00

Los Angeles Kings vs Dan Cloutier

So I hope everybody had a great Christmas. My Grammy got me a new iBook like I thought (thanks Grammy). Our own Reginald Buchwald got me a butter-dish shaped like a dolphin (cuz I like dolphins). Guy LeMonde got me a Starbucks gift card, and on the card he wrote "$50", but my dad said I should call the number on the back to make sure. And do you know what? They said the balance on the card was $4.17. Jerkhead. My dad called Mr. LeMonde the next day and "straightened things out". And the Roenick Watch guy didn't even send a card, but I think he said he was a Rastafarian or something like that, and I don't think they celebrate Christmas.

Do you know what else I got for Christmas? Dan Cloutier out of the net (Thanks Santa!). That's right, for the last 2 games, Mr. Score-your-first-NHL-goal-on-me Cloutier has been injured, and anyone and everyone who has replaced him has brought us 2 points. Now I would never wish injury to a player. Never. These guys are amazing with the amount of work they put into being a professional athlete, no matter how much they suck. It was like when I was still in school, and every year I complained and made fun of the Yearbook, then in my senior year, I joined Yearbook, and it was flippin' hard work. We busted our butts to get that thing out, and we didn't end up being able to do all the cool stuff we wanted, which sucked enough, but then people would complain about it. Sorry, but like I said, I'd never wish that on anybody. But darn if I didn't enjoy the heck out of watching the Kings beat Phoenix in OT with Brust in net, and then beat the snot out of Edmonton with Garon in net. And Anze Kopitar is a super stud muffin with sugar on top. I'm gonna do a story on him soon, I think.

Now I know this all relates to the Battered Fan Syndrome that I discussed a while ago, but I'm just enjoying this time with the Kings. My Kings. Because they love me. They really do.

~ Tickles

Rebuildy Mountain

2006-12-26T02:20:00.001-08:00

Dear Kings,

2006-12-24T09:47:00.000-08:00

We give up.

Sincerely,

Your Fans

Dear Santa...

2006-12-22T13:36:00.000-08:00

Roenick Watch

2006-12-22T10:56:00.000-08:00

PHOENIX - While watching his teammates workout and contemplating his own greatness, Coyotes forward Jeremy Roenick collects his own snot for his annual "JR's Christmas Booger Cookies" that he hands out to fans during the holidays.

So yeah, last night against Edmonton JR logged in for an entire 5:12 of ice-time and a plus/minus of -1. Who needs Booger Cookies when you're getting quality effort like that? Christmas comes early for Phoenix fans.

Thanks to Slopppydog at LetsGoKings.com for bringing the pic to my attention.

Ultra Suckage

2006-12-22T00:01:00.000-08:00

I Can Admit When I'm Wrong

2006-12-21T15:13:00.000-08:00

Did you hear Dan Cloutier has started his own airline? All the flights are non-stop.

*rimshot*

So I was at Staples again, watching the Cloutier experiment explode yet another game on the launch-pad before lift-off. And I can tell you, the natives are getting restless. After Danny Boy allowed the second shot on net to become a goal - a shot, mind you, that was taken by the septuagenarian'ish Tony Amonte... from outside the blueline - after that, some very classless and disrespectful people in my section immediately began to boo the struggling goaltender. (read: me). I might have even been the one who started it. Actually, I think I had been booing him since warm-ups. But anyway, that's beside the point. All you could hear were the chants of "Cloutier Sucks! Cloutier Sucks!", and it was relentless. So we're laying it on thicker than Rob Blake's money-clip when this poor bastard three rows in front of me decides he has heard enough. This poor bastard who, incidentally, was wearing a "CLOUTIER" jersey. Authentic, I'm sure. Probably game worn. Hell, Cloutier may have slept in it for all I know. So anyway, Mr. Cloutier Jersey Guy turns around and scolds the poor bastards who are giving Cloutier the business, and for some reason he was staring at me. "Could YOU stop a puck going 100 miles per hour? Could YOU play your best night after night when idiots are booing you? Could YOU even come close to being the athlete he is?" His impassioned, if not warbling voice struck me to the core. It was like I had just gotten the wind knocked out of me and this guy saw right through me. He was right. No, I can't stop 100 mile per hour pucks. And no, since there doesn't seem to be a cup holder or an ashtray anywhere near the goal, there is no way in hell I could spend three hours straight down there night after night. I leaned over the seats in front of me and tapped Mr. Cloutier Jersey Guy on the shoulder. After he flinched and put his hands up, I just said, "Hey man, I'm sorry. And I think I can speak for everyone here in this section when I say we're all sorry. You're right, and we hope you can accept our apology." Mr. Cloutier Jersey Guy accepted our apologies and went back to watching the Flames now shoot pucks from their own goal-line at the Kings net, some having trouble staying on their skates because they are laughing so hard. At that point I felt I needed to set the record straight, lest Dan Cloutier himself think that their were NHL caliber goalies in the stands heckling him. So I stood up and, with every ounce of energy I had I shouted...

"NOT THAT MY OPINION SHOULD COUNT SINCE I AM MERELY A PAYING FAN, BUT COMPARATIVELY SPEAKING, WHEN HIS CURRENT STATISTICS ARE MATCHED UP AGAINST OTHER GOALIES IN COMPETITIVELY SIMILAR SITUATIONS, AND HIS EFFORT IS JUDGED AGAINST GOALIES OF RELATIVELY EQUAL PAY GRADES, CLOUTIER SUCKS!"

Much to my surprise, this chant began to take off, and within seconds my entire section was screaming, "NOT THAT MY OPINION SHOULD COUNT SINCE I AM MERELY A PAYING FAN, BUT COMPARATIVELY SPEAKING, WHEN HIS CURRENT STATISTICS ARE MATCHED UP AGAINST OTHER GOALIES IN COMPETITIVELY SIMILAR SITUATIONS, AND HIS EFFORT IS JUDGED AGAINST GOALIES OF RELATIVELY EQUAL PAY GRADES, CLOUTIER SUCKS! NOT THAT MY OPINION SHOULD COUNT SINCE I AM MERELY A PAYING FAN, BUT COMPARATIVELY SPEAKING, WHEN HIS CURRENT STATISTICS ARE MATCHED UP AGAINST OTHER GOALIES IN COMPETITIVELY SIMILAR SITUATIONS, AND HIS EFFORT IS JUDGED AGAINST GOALIES OF RELATIVELY EQUAL PAY GRADES, CLOUTIER SUCKS!" And I think Mr. Cloutier Jersey Guy appreciated the effort, because he didn't say another word the entire game. I look forward to seeing Mr. Cloutier Jersey Guy again soon, so I can tell him how much better I feel now that I have begun to look inside myself, and not project my own inadequacies onto others.

Bartender? Another drink, please...

----------------------------------------------
The opinions expressed by Guy LeMonde are not those of Tickles McGinty or anyone associated with Tickles' blog. In fact, they are quite probably not even the opinions of Mr. LeMond himself as he rarely thinks things through and, we believe, has a drinking problem.
•Guy LeMonde can be reached at Guy.LeMonde@gmail.com

Well, American Idol is starting again soon

2006-12-20T15:11:00.000-08:00

After scoring a goal from another zip-code, the Flames hug and laugh and give Dan Cloutier a sarcastic thumbs-up, which he didn't see due to the fact that they were half a mile away.

Los Angeles vs Calgary

So the Kings finally have done the impossible; they have my dad talking about not renewing our season tickets. The post '93 Melrose years, the Robinson years, the Andy Murray-is-out-of-ideas years, and now this. My dad says that the Kings do more rebuilding than an epileptic at a Jenga tournament, and that this doesn't even seem like rebuilding. It just seems like sucking. Tell me why Cloutier was in net against the Flames. Go ahead, somebody tell me. On second thought, don't bother, because I don't care. And apparently not a lot of other people care either. It's getting hard to even give Kings tickets away. Sure, the ticket is free, but parking is $10, and a hamburger and a Coke is like $9, and my uncle won't shut-up about the $10 beers and says that 1 free ticket costs him $100 since he can't stand watching the Kings play with less than 9 beers in him.

And has anyone else noticed that all the ticket scalpers now are hispanic? (or Mexican-American, or whatever I'm supposed to say...). They have always been black guys (or African-Americans), but now it's all just Spanish speaking guys. Did the company that does all the scalping get bought by a Latino company? Or is scalping Kings tickets now one of those jobs that suck so bad that no Americans want to do it and they have to hire immigrants to do it? If they build a wall at the border, will people still be able to buy Kings tickets at half-off face value?

Kopitar + Cloutier = 5-3 Loss. The pure suck of Cloutier yet again overpowers the pure greatness of Kopitar.

Roenick Watch

2006-12-18T14:21:00.000-08:00

Still Blowing Chunks...

Poor, poor (pitiful) Jeremy Roenick. Last week he got scratched and responded by leaving his team and going out for dinner, drinks, an oil change, a Broadway show, and a full-body massage from the second most popular pygmy-transexual Faye Dunaway impersonator in Vancouver (OK, so we're not 100% sure about the pygmy thing). So he whined and cried and blamed the media as if he were running for minority whip, until Gretzky finally gave in and the two of them tongue-kissed and made up. So on Saturday against Calgary, Roenick was back in the line-up. This was a perfect scenario for a Hollywood ending. Like the new Rocky Balboa movie. You know, "The old guy has something to prove and it ain't over 'till it's over". Well, Roenick Balboa jumped on the ice on Saturday and gave everyone the Hollywood ending in his triumphant return.

However, we're still trying to find a Hollywood ending that involves an over the hill, big mouth, self-absorbed, 1.2-million dollar making dumb ass who gets 9:17 TOI - 0 G - 0A - 0PTS - and is a minus-1. We searched IMDB.COM and the only matches it came up with were a bunch of Steve Guttenberg movies.

Don't ever stop JR. We're your biggest fans!
(And do you know what? We actually really used to be.)

Brust in the Win...

2006-12-16T20:56:00.001-08:00

But only for a moment, and the moment's gone.

Up. Down. Up. Down. Up. Down... Being a Kings fan is like riding one of those things that go up and down a lot. I can't remember what they're called, but they have one at Busch Gardens in Florida (but they don't have one at the Busch Gardens in Virginia). It's a ride that goes up and down and up and down. And it kinda makes you a little sick, so it's probably best not to ride it if you just ate. It's kinda fun at first, but halfway through the ride you just want it to end. Ugh.. this is driving me crazy. It goes up and down! What is it called. Geez, I'll remember it in a minute.

So Cloutier is out. One of his own teammates said "enough is enough" and pinged him with a shot to the collar bone during warm-ups in San Jose. We don't know who it was, but it was probably Avery. Even though Cloutier was playing better as of late, he was due to start sucking again any day now, so the timing was good I guess. So in comes Barry Brust in his first NHL start AND HE WAS GREAT! The team did not suck in front of him and the Kings ended up whoopin' on some Shark tail. Good job, guys! Sopel is back and he was great (attention Kings management: don't drop the Sopel. hee, hee...). It's nice to know we have a mobile d-man out there to cover things while Rob Blake is busy deciphering how much money he has in the bank with compounded interest. Anyhow, the Kings looked good after having their butts kicked a few nights earlier by the same Sharks. And Kopitar is a stud-muffin.

Then on an early Saturday game against the Dallas Stars (cripes, aren't there like 30 teams in the NHL? We only seem to play 3 of them over and over and over again). The Kings played the first period like they have played most periods this season; like crap. But they turned it on it the second and actually ended up making a good game out of it before losing it in a shoot-out. You know, if they could have avoided the crappy first period, the game was theirs. Brust was in goal again, and looked good even though he let in two in the first. He actually seems alert when he's playing. Maybe it's just because he's scared to death, but he seemed like he was paying attention, and that's more fun to watch. I look forward to watching more Brust, that's for sure. Oh, and Frolov attempted a wrap-around today. That was the first one he's tried since I let him have it here a while ago. I predict that if he does it again in the next game, he will go on a 10 game goalless streak.

And I can't remember the name of that ride. Was it the Pop-up? The Popper? The Jump-Up? Ughh. If anyone knows, please email me and I'll correct it.

Roenick Watch

2006-12-14T10:37:00.000-08:00

So when was the last time someone paid you $1.2-million to have a nice dinner, drink some beer, and watch hockey on TV?

Thanks to onhuhgreatwon for the link.

Good D Hunting

2006-12-13T13:19:00.000-08:00

Good D Hunting

Rob Blake vs Chris Pronger

So I watched a lot of hockey yesterday. The Ducks played the Panthers, and right after that, the Kings played the Sharks. I hate that I am becoming a Ducks fan... OK, not really a fan so much, but let's just say that if you live in LA and you want to see good hockey played fast and mean, then the Kings aren't exactly the first place to look. But anyway, what I really noticed was how well Pronger is playing, and how crappy Rob Blake is playing. From what I understand, they we're both brought in this year to do the same things for their teams. But one of them is sucking at it, and the other isn't. They remind me of Matt Damon and Ben Affleck. They both were like really popular cuz' they won the Oscar for that movie, but since then Ben Affleck has just done crappy movies for big paychecks. Sure, Armageddon was a big hit (read: Avalanche), but it was nothing but a crappy movie filled with lame "star power". On the other hand, Matt Damon for the most part has done some pretty good movies. No blockbusters for the cash so much, but he's done some quality work like Rounders and the Ocean's 11 movies. So Rob Blake is Ben Affleck and Chris Pronger is Matt Damon. One of them cares about the money, the other cares about doing quality work. And as I'm watching the Kings last night, and all I can think of is Pearl Harbor, and Daredevil and Jersey Girl. Then I watched Rob Blake bobble the puck yet again and all I could see in my mind was Gigli, and I immediately logged-on to my Netflix and put Saving Private Ryan at the top on my priority list.

Final Score: Rob Blake $6-million, Chris Pronger 2 points

The Buchwald Report

2006-12-11T23:59:00.000-08:00

The thing that surprises most people the first time they meet Darren Pang is the fact that he wears a giant codpiece. It's not hockey related, like a goalie cup or anything like that. No, it's just a big black codpiece, worn outside his suit that is reminiscent of that guy in Cameo. You know, the "Word Up" guy. I don't think anyone knows why Panger wears a codpiece - he just does. After you know him for a while, you just forget it's there. He doesn't bring it up. You don't bring it up. It's just understood - and what the hell, it makes the little guy happy.

The only reason I mention it is because the BevMo I go to is in the same mini-mall as Codpiece City, which is apparently the largest codpiece retailer in North America. BevMo was having a "Boonesfarm for a Buck" sale, and I happened to run into Panger in the parking lot as we were both leaving. We stopped and chatted for a while. He didn't inquire about what was in my bag. Nor did I inquire about what was in his. But we did talk about hockey. And he clued me in on a few happenings that are in the works...

New Jersey wants Satan. "Nothing would make us happier than seeing the name Satan on the back of a Devils jersey. It just seems like a perfect fit." said an unnamed source.

Buchwald Rating = A8

Blues looking at Martin St. Louis. "Nothing would make us happier than seeing the name St. Louis on the back of a Blues jersey. It just seems like a perfect fit." said an unnamed source.

Buchwald Rating = N2

Dallas interested in Roenick. "Nothing would make us happier than seeing JR in Dallas. It just seems like a perfect fit." said an unnamed source.

Buchwald Rating = Z9

Torchetti discussing scouting job with Calgary. "Nothing would make us happier than seeing Torch become a Flame. It just seems like a perfect fit." said an unnamed source.

Buchwald Rating = E7

Roenick Watch

2006-12-11T21:21:00.000-08:00

Roenick Watch

2006-12-09T21:43:00.000-08:00

Guy LeMonde

2006-12-08T22:29:00.000-08:00

Give Peace a Fighting Chance

So a buddy of mine e-mailed me this gem today. It's a piece written by one Bruce Mason, a "staff writer" for The South End, which is apparently the official newspaper of Wayne State University - the intellectual hub of Detroit (their words, not mine. Seriously). In this piece - a scathing rebuke of the pugilistic tendencies of the NHL - Mr. Mason waxes emphatic that if you happen to enjoy the occasional fight that breaks out at a hockey game, then you are miserable; you are garbage; you are an idiot; and alas, you are a loser. Yes, it is Mr. Mason's obvious grasp of 3rd grade name-calling that will someday propel him to journalistic stardom. Not since Frank Deford called Joe Frazier a "poopy-head" in the late 60's has someone shown the promise of our young Mr. Mason. Sure, his arguments are goofy. And yes, he did actually start a paragraph with the phrase "Let me tell you something." And so what if he responded to a counter-point argument - if only rhetorically - with a stern "Not quite.". It's as if he says to the world, "So you have an opinion that differs from mine? One that is possibly supported by years of observation and documented by reams of empirical data? Well do you know what I say to you, good sir? I say... Not quite." Good for you Bruce. Don't let the bastards get you down.

So, I'm getting ready to write a response to this inspired pile of words that Mr. Mason has two-fingered into my life. I've got my thesaurus opened to the word "pansy ass" and I've got a few shots of DeWar's in me (Rule #1, Mr. Mason. Always drink when you write. If you can't drink, then you can't write), and I'm ready to fight. Yeah, that's right... I was ready to fight. Then it hit me like a ton of Todd Bertuzzis. As I double-checked the spelling of the word effete, I started to see where Mr. Mason was coming from. Maybe it was because I had time to really think about it. Maybe it was because I began to question my own sense of morality. Maybe it was because I was beginning to get piss drunk. I don't know. Probably a combination of all three, but it certainly got me to thinking... Maybe there really shouldn't be fighting in hockey. Maybe it is just an outlet for jerks and losers and idiots and poopy-heads. But why stop there? Why do they have to hit each other so hard in the NFL? Playgrounds across the country are spotlighting the true meaning of competition through regular exhibitions of flag football. Imagine the season LaDainian Tomlinson could be having if he didn't have to content with the barbaric notion of getting hit to play in the NFL. And who doesn't love Muhammad Ali? The guy would still be fighting today if there was some sort of target and point system in boxing instead of the actual physical contact inflicted by those neanderthals. And NASCAR? No speeding. Arrive alive, that's what I always say... well at least I WILL always say it from now on.

Come on hockey fans. Can't we all just get along? As the wise and learned Mr. Mason concludes with the very last words in his inspiring editorial, "Without fighting, the world would be much better — and hockey would be much better, too." Amen to that, brother. Amen.

Bartender? Another drink, please...

----------------------------------------------
The opinions expressed by Guy LeMonde are not those of Tickles McGinty or anyone associated with Tickles' blog. In fact, they are quite probably not even the opinions of Mr. LeMond himself as he rarely thinks things through and, we believe, has a drinking problem.
•Guy LeMonde can be reached at Guy.LeMonde@gmail.com

To Catch a Predator

2006-12-08T11:20:00.000-08:00

Los Angeles vs Nashville

Ugh. I can't stand Paul Kariya. I hated him with the Ducks, I hated him with the Avs, and I hate him with the Predators. And not because he always has had a knack for scoring against the Kings. It's because he's the whiniest, cry-babyest, biggest diver in the league. Period. Exclamation mark! End of story! With a cherry on top. If Frolov is the Constantine Maroulis of hockey and Anze Kopitar is the Bo Bice of hockey, then Paul Kariya is the Clay Aiken of hockey. Sure, he may be talented, but there's something that's not quite right, and I can't put my finger on it. And I'll always remember him getting knocked out in the Stanley Cup finals against New Jersey. Dude was laid like a salmon in the supermarket seafood section - just laying on the ice with a creepy glazed eye looking straight up. Then he had the nerve to say in an interview afterwards that "Uh, no... I wasn't knocked out." Kariya couldn't even answer an honest question without diving. Jerk.

Well, Kariya and his Nashville Predators were in town last night and handed the Kings yet another loss. The Preds are actually a pretty good team built from speed and youth (wouldn't that then make them Child Predators?), and the Kings don't seem to have an answer for that. Not on a consistent basis, anyhow. But I do have to say that Cloutier played well. Yes, I'll say it again... Cloutier did not completely suck. He has elevated his game to mediocre, and now that just makes it more obvious that there are many others on the team that suck.

I'm really getting tired of typing the word "suck".

Final Score: Kings 1, Predators 4

Roenick Watch

2006-12-08T10:46:00.001-08:00

Roenick Watch

2006-12-06T23:08:00.000-08:00

Roenick Watch

2006-12-04T22:01:00.001-08:00

Still Sucks...

2006-12-02T23:04:00.000-08:00

Cloutier Sucks.

2006-11-30T22:26:00.000-08:00

Seriously. At what point does a fan just throw up their hands and walk away? I love to write. I love to blog. I love hockey. I love the Kings. But I feel like an idiot for spending time watching Cloutier help other teams' Goals For Average, when I could be transcribing the lyrics to the new Constantine Maroulis album. I'm trying to find a hobby that I can do while "watching" Kings games, that will distract me enough to not care when Cloutier lets in the first goal. In the first period. On the first shot. In the first minute.

Roenick Watch

2006-11-30T21:24:00.001-08:00

Anze Kopit-art

2006-11-28T19:50:00.000-08:00

OK, first of all I'm sorry if I offended anyone by calling the ANZE wall art "graffiti". Who would have thought that a bunch of people with spray paint could be so sensitive. And second, I don't know who is doing it, so stop e-mailing me. I've just seen it like everyone else and commented about it and put up the pic I had. Here is another one that STICKSAVEDUDE sent me, but that is all I have. OK? I wasn't expecting this response, I was just saying what I saw.

Runnin' with the Devils

2006-11-28T11:20:00.001-08:00

OK. Now I get it. The whole "Anze Kopitar" is the greatest thing since sliced bread thing? Yeah, I get it now, OK? I'm still not sure I understand all the ANZE graffiti that I'm starting to see everywhere, but I'm officially a member of the Anze Kopitar Fan Club. Anze only had 1 assist officially for the Kings last night in their AWESOME win against the New Jersey Devils, but he played like a dude possessed and was all over the ice. And his overtime shootout goal was like legendary. Finally seeing this guy pour it on live was something to see. And the rest of the team looked really good too. Avery was on fire again and about got his head taken off by a hit that was even worse than the attack by Jagr a few weeks ago. But he shook it off and played like an all star. And Frolov? Still no wraparounds since I busted him of it, and he look awesome also. Lubo looked great. Dustin Brown looked great. Cammy, again, looked great. And Cloutier looked great... sitting on the bench, playing with his Gameboy and just staying out of everybody's way. Garon was AWESOME! I can't write much today because my Grammie is in town and she wants to take me out for lunch and go Christmas shopping. I think she's going to get me a new laptop since my iBook screen is all flickery. That would be cool, but just hanging out with Grammie is cool anyways. I Love you, Grams!

Final Score: Kings 3, Devils 2 SO/OT

"But I love you, Baby..."

2006-11-26T10:00:00.000-08:00

Last year in Mrs. Dorie's Psych class, we spent a week learning about co-dependance and what makes people stay in abusive relationships. It was like soooo boring and meant mostly for the girls in our class that had low self-esteem and stuff. Well, anyway, at the end of the week she showed us this movie about a woman who's boyfriend is mean to her all the time, and hits her and calls her really horrible things, and all her friends keep saying "Leave him. He's a jerk. He doesn't deserve you. yada, yada, yada..." But the reason I remember this movie so well is because the acting was sooo bad and the guy who played the mean boyfriend was wearing a terrible fake mustache. But anyway, at the end of the movie, the girl decides she is going to leave the guy who is so horrible to her, then he turns around and does something sweet for her. And he keeps saying over and over, "But I love you, baby. But I love you, Baby." And do you know what? That's where the movie ended and it looked like the woman was going to fall for it. And everyone in our class was like "Geez, that girl is DUMB!"

So last night, the Kings beat Calgary, basically saying "But I love you, Baby." to every fan that was about to walk away from this stupid and abusive relationship that they have with this team. Yeah, they cleaned up real good. They were polite. The goaltending was great. They played for 60 minutes. They hit. They defended. They worked in their zone. Basically, they didn't hurt us for an evening. "But I love you, Baby." Kopitar finally got a goal at home. They didn't play Cloutier. "Really, Baby. I love you." Those who should have scored, did. Those who should have played defense, did. And those who should have made a great save now and again, did. "But I love you, Baby." Yes, now I know that this team loves me. They really do. I'm not going anywhere, because they've changed their ways, and it's going to be a beautiful season after all.

Final Score: Kings 3, Flames 1

"But I love you, Baby..."

Roenick Watch

2006-11-26T01:40:00.000-08:00

The Buchwald Report

2006-11-22T23:20:00.000-08:00

So I had breakfast with former NY Rangers GM and current OLN/VS/THE RODEO NETWORK blabber-mouth Neil Smith. I wouldn't say we were friends - frankly I see him as the Forrest Gump of hockey - but he offered to buy me breakfast, and I lost my wallet at Scores whilst getting a lap-dance from one Ginger LaRue. But anyhow, it was free breakfast and a chance to yak about hockey and maybe get a few inside scoops.

But here is something that most people don't know about Neil Smith, and actually, I had completely forgotten; the man loves olives. He carries a small case with him everywhere that has small jars of every kind of olive imaginable. Whole. Sliced. Pitted. Stuffed. You name it, it's in his little case. So he orders a bowl of Irish Oatmeal and a stack of pancakes, and starts droning on and on about some inane crap about how the "Ted Nugent: How To Gut A Groundhog" special on OLN got better ratings than most NHL games on the network. I tuned him out completely and just watched his mouth move up and down non-stop while I mentally played the Aerosmith "Rocks" album in my head until the food came. So our food finally comes during "Get The Lead Out", and I jump right into my Mucho Bacon platter, when Neil pulls out his olive case. He drops about a dozen black olives into his oatmeal, and smothers his pancakes in sliced Greeks that have been pickled in some kind of Uzo brine. Now I'm getting ready to puke - first from the sight of this, then from the smell - and he's blabbering on and on about some Bass Fishing Tournament mini-series on OLN and how they don't count the weight of the lures during weigh ins. So I just grabbed all the bacon I could and stuffed it in my jacket pocket, where - surprise! - there I find my wallet. It turns out that Ginger didn't roll me after all when I passed out in the Pleasure Pen. Looks like I owe somebody an apology...

Flyers still looking to move Forsberg. He's arguing that he has a no-trade clause, while Philly is arguing that they have a we-don't-give-a-damn clause.

Buchwald Rating = M3

Word out of Anaheim says that the Ducks, who many favor to win it all, are getting ready to begin rebuilding. "With the team playing so well," said one insider, "these players values are high. Now's a good time to make some moves to start building for the future."

Buchwald Rating = R8

The Los Angeles Kings are standing pat, but are looking to lock Cloutier up for an additional 10 years. "Ten years of number one draft picks will have the Kings looking real good for the opening of the 2016-2017 season." said a source.

Buchwald Rating = F9

Columbus just signed Ken Hitchcock, and are currently looking at Andy Murray to "be Ken's Mr. Greenjeans."

Buchwald Rating = A7

Phoenix Coyotes are looking to make a deal for a time machine so they can go back in time and NOT sign Jeremy Roenick, Curtis Joseph, Owen Nolen, Derek Morris and Nick Boynton.

Buchwald Rating = R1

The Washington Capitals are trying to claim that since they have the rights to Ovechkin, that they also have the rights to any of his future offspring, and are currently trying to get him to make deposits into the Washington Mutual Sperm Bank as part of an undisclosed "future considerations" clause in his contract.

Buchwald Rating = T4

That's all I have for now. Come back, Tickles. We miss you. (And please have your father contact me about the status of the background check I had to submit to. Thanks.)

Roenick Watch

2006-11-19T21:34:00.000-08:00

Wildtracks Stalker

2006-11-18T23:07:00.000-08:00

So I had to shut down comments for the time being, and I can't post for a while because of Dateline NBC's "To Catch A Predator" show. You see, there's some guy who has enjoyed bugging me from his computer at work. No prob, I just delete the jerky comments from my blog with my Trio when I get notified of them. It's my blog, get it? (Trio is WAY much better than a Blackberry, btw) But now Mr Wildtracks started IM'ing me from home and asking for pictures and stuff. So my dad sees this show about dumb guys trying to hook up with like 14 year olds and stuff, and he kinda flips and starts getting ISP information and everything, and says I can't post anymore until he takes care of it. I'll make sure Roenick Watch still posts his stuff, and I just emailed Reginald Buchwald telling him I need another Buchwald Report, like pronto. I wish I could just write and not have to deal with this kinda crap, ya know?

Roenick Watch

2006-11-18T21:37:00.000-08:00

Flyer, Flyer, Pants on Fire

2006-11-16T22:56:00.000-08:00

Los Angeles vs Philadelphia

What do you call the guy who gets an assist on RJ Umberger's game winning goal? Umberger Helper.

I'm not even going to do a period by period breakdown of this stupid game. My brother took the tickets tonight, so I got to watch this embarrassing display from the comfort of my own couch. There was nobody sitting in front of me talking on their cell phone, the was no bratty kid sitting behind me kicking my seat, and there were no Flyers fans rubbing it in my face when the Kings choked on another one like Mama Cass at a bratwurst buffet (I had a Paris Hilton joke there, but my dad said it was too crude... I don't even know who Mama Cass is.) Anyhow, the Kings were up by two goals late in the game, and in a span of three minutes, were then down by a goal. Gagne. Umberger. Umberger... Bing. Bam. Boom... Tic. Tac. Toe... Suck. Suck. Suck...

A good goaltender is supposed to be able to steal some games for you. All Cloutier has stolen this season is my desire to go to Kings games. The only positive is that since I got all in Frolov's face about him and his stupid wrap-arounds, well, he stopped doing them, and is scoring like a madman. Way to go, Fro! Now if you would be so kind as to get Cloutier to read my blog so I can give him this piece of advice: STOP SUCKING! Please, just stop. And that goes for almost everyone on this dumb team. C'mon guys. I'm dying to say nice things about you guys, I really am. You're forcing me to get ugly here.

Final stupid score: Kings 3, Flyers 4

Roenick Watch

2006-11-16T22:14:00.001-08:00

Shy As Raw Duck

2006-11-15T22:23:00.000-08:00

So I tuned in to the Ducks game tonight to see George Parros play his first game for Anaheim. Former King, all around good guy, and - prior to him sporting that thing on his upper lip - a bit of a cutie. (How many innocent animals had to die for you to have that, George?) You see, Georgie went and growed himself a mustache over the summer, and it's creepy to say the least. Now he looks like one of those guys who drives around in a custom van with bondo on the sides, asking girls if they need a ride anywhere, or asking guys if they want to go "smoke out". He's a nice guy though, so I turned on the Ducks game to see if he would get any ice time. And to see if he might have shaved that stupid thing off yet. Ice time, yes. Shave the lip beaver, no.

Unfortunately for the Ducks, Parros didn't bring his "A" game tonight. And I don't even think his "B" or "C" game made an appearance tonight either, as the Ducks got spanked by the leagues limpest. Flyers 7, Ducks 4. Maybe Parros, a Princeton graduate, is just there to keep Brian Hayward, Ducks play-by-play sphincter and Cornell graduate, company during the long and tedious road trips. Maybe they can play anagram games, or have Sudoku races, or just compare GPA transcripts.

Good luck, Georgie.

Roenick Watch

2006-11-14T20:53:00.000-08:00

2006-11-14T14:00:00.000-08:00

So as you've probably already noticed, I didn't bail on this blog. I had like NO idea how many people were reading it. I guess Constantine Maroulis fans are just more chatty than your average hockey fan. That's OK. And in addition to all the comments I got, I got a lot more emails, and in some of those emails were people offering to help in many different ways. We now have the Roenick Watch, which keeps track of the stellar efforts of our favorite cheesy-smelling, whiney headed former King. Hopefully Roenick Watch's keyboard doesn't run out of "0"s before the end of the season. Also, I have a guy who's helping me out with some graphics so the site at least looks cool, even when I'm tired or sick. Then there is "Reginald Buchwald", our super secret guy-in-the-know, with all his inside sources and ESPN-like knowledge of the game. This guy really knows his stuff.

Thanks again for all the kind words and advice. It certainly helped me get over being sick, especially since Heather is like really mad at me AND WON'T EVEN RETURN MY CALLS, YOU LITTLE B*TCH! Anyhow, if you have any other ideas, fell free to email me at TICKLESMC@GMAIL.COM.

Go Kings Go!

Shark Tale II: Electric Boogaloo

2006-11-14T00:07:00.000-08:00

Los Angeles vs San Jose

Same cast, different story. Shark Tale II: Electric Boogaloo addresses so many of the unanswered questions of previous Shark Tale that had to be endured last week. Questions like: What if Cloutier only let in one bad goal, instead of the usual four? What if the Kings played for the entire 60 minutes, instead of the usual 20? What if Dustin Brown did more hitting than a pimp on payday? And what if Frolov did something, ANYTHING, that wasn't a wrap-around? That's right folks, that's what I saw tonight, and I'm givin it TWO THUMBS UP! Way up!

Act I:
This movie started in typical Kings fashion - give up a goal on the first shot. Seemed as if the plot was going to be the same, but with less then a minute left in the period, Frolov does the unexpected. He shoots the puck without even a hint of a wraparound. I'll have to see the replay on TV, but I'm pretty sure he even meant to shoot it.

End of Act 1: Kings 1, Sharks 1

Act II:
This is where a lot of character development and plot points are established. Nothing much going on story wise, just a lot of Dustin Brown realigning spines. Avery has been looking good, and tonight he was like a little waterbug all over the place.

End of Act 2: Kings 1, Sharks 1

Act III:
Here's where the story gets scary. Cloutier's baby soft goal in the first minute is like that scene in Psycho when the old lady stabbed the girl in the shower. No, it wasn't the end of the movie, but it was scary as all hell. But Lubo tied it up a few minutes later. Then Brown gave the Kings the go ahead goal with less than five minutes left. Wow, all that hitting, then getting the game winner. You're doin' a heck of a job, Brownie. Frolov capped it off with an empty netter, and I swear I could see in his eyes that he wanted to do a wrap-around.

Final Score: Kings 4, Sharks 2

Looking California, but feeling Minnesota

2006-11-11T22:23:00.000-08:00

Los Angeles vs Minnesota

So I'm kinda sorry I said that Cammalleri had a "muscled up, Jon Favreau, Virginia-ham head" cause after seeing him tonight, well I'm pretty impressed. Thankfully, he doesn't read this site, otherwise... But I guess Frolov might read my blog, cause he didn't even bother with a wrap-around. Not even once. Maybe he's sick. Hey Fro, the only thing worse than having just one move, is have NO moves. Speaking of having moves, Trevor was not our usher tonight. Kinda bummed me out. I asked the girl who was tonight where he was and she said she thinks he's sick and she's just covering for him, so that made me feel a little better. Then they announced that Garon was in goal for the night, and that made me feel great.

Period 1:
Guess what? The Kings didn't suck. I know, I could believe it either. I even made sure my phone was fully charged since I thought I'd be texting all night, but I didn't IM anyone during the game because the game was that good, that should tell you something. Dustin Brown was hitting the snot out of everyone on the ice. I think he just likes hitting people. Norstrom got a goal early and the guys kept it tight for the entire period. This game was actually watchable.

End of Period 1: Kings 1, Wild 0

Period 2: Man, Staples was like seriously empty. I don't know how much we our paying for our family seats, but we should just get nosebleeds and walk down. Nobody would care. Kings gave up a goal towards the end of the period, but they didn't melt down afterwards like they usually do, and only gave up the one.

End of Period 2: Kings 1, Wild 1

Period 3: God, I hate stupid people. So I'm in line for a hotdog and a Mountain Dew. That's all I wanted. One hotdog. One Mountain Dew. The line like didn't even move for like 10 minutes, and now I have to pee. I have a really small bladder, and once it's full, I gotta go. So I have to get out of line and go to the bathroom, and now I'm in line for the stall, and the girl in the stall that I'm waiting for is having like some serious intestinal issues. I'm waiting and waiting and waiting, then finally stall next to it opens up. So now I'm sitting next to the girl with the intestinal problems, and she's not having any fun. And frankly, neither am I. I'm just trying to get out of there before I gag to death. Then when I open the stall to leave (finally), I hear her talking to herself about she'll never' ever eat another hotdog, ever. By this time the players were already back on the ice and the concession thing was empty. So I just got a Mountain Dew and went back to my seat. We'll just stop at FatBurger on the way home.

End of Period 3: Kings 2, Wild 2

Overtime: Was very exciting. Cammi almost won it with a few seconds left. Went to the shoot-out where the Wild won it. FatBurger was awesome since I was sooo starving, but the milkshake machine was still broken (it's been broken for like 2 months already).

Final Score: Kings 2, Wild 3

Roenick Watch

2006-11-11T21:14:00.001-08:00

The Buchwald Report

2006-11-11T13:23:00.000-08:00

Happy to be on-board the Tickles blog. There are a lot of rumors flying around, so let's get right to it:

Philly shopping Forsberg. Interested teams include the Ducks, Rangers, Lightning and Coyotes.

Buchwald Rating = B3

Canucks making a play for Jagr. A buddy of mine said he had a dream about this. He's been right before, so I have to go with it.

Buchwald Rating = I4

Crawford given ultimatum. If the Kings don't get two W's in the next five games, sources say he's out.

Buchwald Rating = N6

Conroy to Flames. Kings will want 3-first rounders in return. Negotiations have stalled.

Buchwald Rating = G7

Kings eyeing Marty Murray. Kings have been quietly waiting for the perennial 4th liner to be put on waivers and are hoping no other team notice if he is.

Buchwald Rating = O3

Roenick Watch

2006-11-10T22:10:00.000-08:00

Frolov Attempts Rap-Around; Fails.

2006-11-10T15:08:00.000-08:00

Los Angeles vs San Jose

So I'm watching this game and just into the first period, I realize that I have to come up with a "Kings Lose" headline for my blog. So the usual suspects are tossed around; "Shark Attack", "Do You Know The Way To Beat San Jose", something using the word "Chum". But by the end of the game, what stuck in my head was "Frolov Attempts Rap-Around; Fails." because that seems like it represents this Kings team. Same ol' same ol'. I'd bet you could put the audio of any game this season over the video of any other game, it it would be surprisingly close. And Frolov? Get a new move, Fro. I soo can't believe I liked you so much last season. I mean, you are kinda cuter now that you did something with your hair, but if I'm your girlfriend, and all you got is one move, then I'm gonna start seeing if anyone else on the team is single. Avery already has Elisha, Conroy is too old, and Dustin Brown, well, I'm not ready for a Dustin Brown just yet. But I could see hooking up with Cammalleri. Even though he has one of those muscled up, Jon Favreau, Virginia ham heads, I could see it happening, cause he's still cute, and he's got some moves. More than one at least.

Period 1:
What the hell...

End of Period 1: Kings 1, Sharks 4

Period 2:
Garon is Cloutier. Cloutier is Garon. Soft goaltending protected by soft defense. Is there any way to dock these guys' pay? I'm talking to Heather while I'm watching this and she says she's watching the Ducks game and about how great it is, and I'm like "Shut up. Shut up. Shut up." Seriously, I can still sneeze on you Ice Dog jersey before I give it back to you, so just shut up. I'm pretty sure I'm still contagious.

End of Period 2: Kings 2, Sharks 6

Period 3:
So I'm reading the comments that everybody left on my blog so I don't have to watch Frolov attempt yet another rap-around, and it looks like people actually do read my blog. Then I checked my e-mail, and WOW! Was I surprised. Thank you all who wrote and thanks for all the great ideas and offers. I have some very influential readers I guess, so I'm going to do some other stuff beside just Kings game rap ups. I'll keep you posted. Heather wants to do a "Hockey Hunk" thing, but I don't think that will be a good idea, at least not too much. Especially since she goes like all loopy just about every time a player takes off his helmet. Sorry Heather, I'll call you before you read this so you won't be surprised.

Final Score: Kings 3, Sharks 7

LAME!

Good-bye cruel web...

2006-11-08T12:52:00.000-08:00

I really thought doing a Kings blog would be more fun, but I was like soooo wrong. My old Constantine Maroulis blog was being viewed and commented on all the time, but it looks like nobody is coming here to read my hockey talk. Apparently nobody at the ConstantDreamboat blog cares about hockey, and nobody who watches hockey wants to read what the award winning writer of the Constantine Maroulis blog has to say. I feel like a Reeses Peanut Butter cup, ...someone got their hockey into my Constantine, (no, you got your Constantine in my hockey)... but instead of creating a creamy confectionary delight, it's just a lump of turd that nobody wants to get in their Halloween basket.

And I'm still really sick.

Clear Skies. High: 90°, Low: 62°

2006-11-07T23:35:00.000-08:00

Los Angeles vs Colorado

Clear Skies. High: 90°, Low: 62°. That's the current weather for Phoenix, Arizona. Phoenix is the closest thing to Hell that exists on earth - in more ways than I care to get into. And as you can see, Phoenix didn't freeze over, and neither did Hell. Yet Dan Cloutier still won a game for the Kings. That's right folks, I will type that again slowly so you can soak it in. C l o u t i e r w o n a g a m e f o r t h e K i n g s . The Kings finally figured out how to make Cloutier an effective goalie - spot him 6 goals. It was a fun game to watch, even though I am like sooo flippin' sick that it's not funny. I won't even bore you with stories about how many snot rags are on my bed right now, and even if I did, they would not be funny cuz' I am soo out of it. So here it goes.

Period 1: Craig Conroy got his first of the season as the Kings came out strong and looked ready to...

ah screw it. I am too sick to do this tonight. Just read about here if you really care.

Final Score: King 6, Avalanche 5

Sorry. :(

Booyakasha!

2006-11-04T22:33:00.001-08:00

Los Angeles Kings vs Phoenix Coyotes

I was going to title this blog entry "Coyote Ugly", but the guy over at this other Kings blog beat me to it. And the last thing I want is for people to be saying that Tickles McGinty steals other people's stuff, so now I'm stuck having to come up for another cool title for another fabulous installment of my commentary of another crappy game by the same frumpy Kings. And once you have a title like "Coyote Ugly" in your head, it's really hard to think of something else. Something about the desert, maybe? Arizona?There's Arizona Ice Tea... nah. "Phoenix Rising" sounds kinda cool, but it doesn't really mean anything. Heat? Cactus? I'm getting nothing here. Zilch. Maybe I should just go ahead and use "Coyote Ugly". I mean, it's not like it's never been used before, right? Isn't there an actor named Peter Coyote? Let me check IMDB.com to see what movies he's been in. Maybe that'll inspire something... Holy crap. That guy's been in like 106 movies, and I don't think I recognized a single one of them. And he actually does kinda look like a coyote. Dude is old, too. No help there. Screw it. I'll come up with something before I'm done with. Let's just get this over with, shall we?

Period 1:
Yeay! Garon's in net, so we may have a chance in this game. Coyotes score first with a goal by Shane Doan, with an assist by none other than Mr. Cheesy himself, Jeremy Roenick. Roenick's assist tonight represents 25% of his entire offense so far this season. Padding your stats there, ay JR? 0 goals, 1 assist, 0 pims. My dad calls that a Charlie Huddy Hat-trick. That reference is a little before my time I think. Anyways, then I was fliiping around during a commercial and saw that HBO is like doing an Ali G marathon. I'll check it out during the intermission.

End of Period 1: Kings 3, Coyotes 3

Period 2:
OK, I don't know what happened, but apparently they took out Garon and put in Cloutier, now all of a sudden the Coyotes have 6 goals. AGGGGHHH!!! I think I'm going to scream! Why can't they just leave Garon in? On HBO was the ALI G episode where Ali G blames the religious guy for "dropping a floater" in the backstage bathroom, and the religious guy is all like "I don't know what you're talking about." And Ali G keeps blaming him for anyway. I soo have to take a pee every time after I see that one. Heather and I will probably go see the Borat movie this weekend.

End of Period 1: Kings 4, Coyotes 6

Period 3:
Snore. Snore. Snore. Snore. Zzzzz. Zzzzz. Zzzzz. Zzzzz. Zzzzz. It's reeeaaaaalllllyyyyy hard to watch crappy hockey, especially when you know the Ali G with Andy Rooney is about to play on HBO. But from the looks of it, nothing happened. So who's kidding who here.

FINAL SCORE: Kings 4, Coyotes 6

March Of The Penguins

2006-11-02T01:48:00.000-08:00

Los Angeles Kings vs Pittsburgh Penguins

My brother took the tickets for tonight's game so I write tonight from watching it on TV. And since Mario Lemieux quit, the Penguins are not really worth seeing anyhow.

...I never really noticed how hard it is to spell Lemieux. I mean, I see it all the time and know how to say it, but typing it just then sent my spell-checker into a panic. So I went to look it up online, and since he's not a player anymore, he's not on a roster. So now since I don't know how to spell it, how am I supposed to look it up? "No entries for Lemiux found" "No entries for Lemuiex found". Seriously, no wonder people don't write articles about him anymore, I mean, who wants to look like and idiot by writing a story about someone, only to find out you spelled the guys name wrong? I don't know about you, but I probably would. Well then I happened to see that he was in last years issue of Hockey Hotties Magazine (that's what I call it anyhow..lol), and they had a picture of him playing golf with the guy who's on the Del Taco commercials. Anyway that's where I got the correct spelling of Mario Lemieux's name. And do you know what? It STILL upsets my spell-checker. And I guess now we know why we don't ever read anything about Claude Lemieux anymore

Period 1:
Cloutier is in goal. I'm not watching this crap. Time to catch-up on my Tivo'ed shows.

End of Period 1: Kings 1, Penguins 2

Period 2:
The Cho brothers better win The Amazing Race. What they did for the Kentucky team was sooo sweet.

End of Period 2: Kings 3, Penguins 2

Period 3:
So I flipped back to the game just in time to see Cloutier escort the game winning goal into his net. And apparently the guy Malkin who scored it was like the first Penguin rookie to score a goal in 89 years, or something like that.

Final Score: Kings 3, Penguins 4

If someone could please explain this Cloutier thing to me, please do. Suck is as suck does. (I don't really know what that means, but I heard my dad saying when I went to the kitchen for some Sun Chips and it just sounds right.)

I'm out of room on my Tivo, so I have to watch Top Chef cuz I can't record it, so good night.

Tickles

Jagr Should Be In Jail For This Hit!

2006-10-31T21:33:00.000-08:00

New York Skate of Mind

2006-10-30T23:08:00.000-08:00

Los Angeles Kings vs New York Rangers

First off, I have to say that Jaromir Jagr - who spent the off-season recovering from shoulder surgery, yet is still the current NHL scoring leader - looked really good tonight. From what I saw during warm-ups, the ratty mullet is permanently gone. (Thank God!) But it seems as if he actually went too a stylist, cuz he's no longer sporting that SuperCuts half-off special that he was wearing last year. Now he's got a sorta Owen Wilson'ish shag, with a little coloring to boot. REALLY cute. I never was much of a Jagr fan, but I may have to start following him now. Like I said, he looked really good tonight.

Period 1:
Note to Kings management: DON'T DROP THE SOPEL! This guy totally rocks! Get him a stylist (see if you can get the number to Jagr's before he leaves), cuz that stringy caveman doo is a don't, but keep his butt here in LA. 2 goals from Sopel made the night a good one. But not as good as the fact that Garon was in net, AND NOT CLOUTIER. What did say earlier, hmm, I don't remember... what was it I was saying?.... Oh yeah, CLOUTIER SUCKS! Oh, yeah... and if I ever get the chance to sing the anthem at a Kings game, I think I'm just going to rap it ("...my Democracy brings all the boys to the yard, and my land is better than yours..."), because if you can't sing it well, you look like a total dumb-ass.

End of Period 1: Kings 2, Rangers 0

Period 2:
Fro-love got one right as the period started. Shanahan got one a little bit later for the Rangers but who cares. Big deal. The Rangers fans in my section went crazy like it was a big deal. I guess they thought Cloutier was in net, but he wasn't, so there. I just HATE Rangers fans. They are stupider than dirt. And Avery got a goal! Whoo Hoo! What would Avery do when his team needs an insurance goal? Well he'd get one. Puppy Power!

End of Period 2: Kings 3, Rangers 1

Period 3:
Trevor was our usher again in our section, and I think he's going to be our usher all season. He. Is. Cute. Period. I was going to try to talk to him tonight, but the Kings didn't suck, and it's hard be a scopin' when the Kings are actually winning. But when I came back with my pretzel, he smiled at me and told me that he didn't need to see my ticket when I came back to my seat. That means he noticed me and probably remembered me from the Ducks game, the game where I first noticed him. We'll see. Jagr like totally hit Sean Avery in the back of the head and almost killed him, and they give a penalty to Avery. What the...? You know, the refs need to stop hatin' so much on Avery. He's so misunderstood that it really makes me mad sometimes. And Blake said something to somebody and they kicked him out of the game. I'll probably try to talk to Trevor next week at the Sharks game.

Final Score: Kings 3, Rangers 1

I'm really tired because of the time change, so good night.

Tickles

Know your opponent: NY Rangers

2006-10-30T11:22:00.000-08:00

The Kings play the 5-5-0 Rangers tonight at Staples, and if Cloutier is in goal, they will be the 6-5-0 Rangers tomorrow morning. The Rangers are sometimes called the Blueshirts because they wear blue shirts. But then again, so do the Kings, and I've never heard anyone call them the Blueshirts now that I think of it. Sometimes nicknames are just stupid. Anyway, tonight is my first chance to see if Jaromir Jagr grew his hair back long, or if he is keeping it cut short. I usually like it when the guys have longer hair, but Jagr is the exception I think. He always had it cut in that stupid mullet that made it look like he was wearing a ratty old Santa Clause beard on the wrong side of his head. Cloutier used to play on the Rangers, too. So maybe he still has some friends on the team who will feel sorry for him and take it easy on him. I doubt it, though. Because when you keep sucking so much and losing games for your team, you don't have any friends after a while.

Tickle Talk

2006-10-29T22:38:00.000-08:00

This is where I just talk about hockey stuff that I'm thinking about. I'm trying to think of a better name for it.

So I got a call from my Uncle Pat today and he tells me that I am on the front page of letsgokings.com, which is very cool but then my dad read it, and then he read my blog, then got like sooo angry that I ate popcorn at The Grudge 2. (Sorry Dad) He also reminded me that I was like so crushing on Frolov last season and that Heather should be able to crush on whoever she wants without me busting on her. Then I reminded him that she is starting to get all Zellweger about Cloutier, then he said it's OK for me to knock some sense into the girl if I have to. (HAHAHA!).

My brother wants the Penguins tickets, but they are scheduled for me, so I'm not sure if I'm going to see the Penguins or the Rangers instead. Jagr's on the Rangers and there isn't anybody on the Penguins worth seeing, so I'll probably go to the Rangers game and let Ronnie have the Penguins. (BTW Heather, Ronnie played with his new team today and he didn't completely suck.)

Jeremy "JR" Roenick. My uncs loved him last year, but hate him this year. I never liked him. When I met him last years he was kinda creepy, had some funky teeth, and he smelled like cheese. I don't know what it's called, but there was this big cheese dish at this wedding we went to a while ago, and one of the cheeses had a funky smell. And Jeremy Roenick kinda smelled like that, even though he had a bunch of cologne on. Anyway, everyone talks about how he sucks now, but to me he always just smelled like cheese, and that's not good.

No Limit Texas Choke'em

2006-10-28T21:45:00.000-07:00

Los Angeles Kings vs Dallas Stars

Well all I can say is "Thank You Andy Murray for playing Garon!". Even though he is beginning to pick up some of Cloutier's bad work habits, at least he gave the Kings a chance to win before they eventually choked at the end. And apparently Rob Blake's first paycheck cleared, so he honored us with a goal and a pretty good effort. Rob gets a gold star tonight. Heather came over and watched the game with me tonight, and she just wouldn't shut up about Mike Modano. I know you are reading this Heather, but all I can say is that you will NEVER be Mrs. Heather Modano, and it's a good thing because I couldn't be friends with you if every time I went to your house I had to see Mr. Giant White Walnut Teeth kissing you and stuff. Ugghh!

Period 1:
Stars score a goal late in the period and it looks like more of the same. They showed Mike Modano on the screen and Heather practically started rubbing herself. (Well, you did...) She's like, "But doesn't he look like Tom Cruise?", and I'm like "Uh, yeah... and Tom Cruise is like older than my dad and he's a Orthodox Mormon and they don't even drink sodas and eat chocolate. Do you want your kids to never have a soda or a Twix?". Someone needs a boyfriend BAD.

End of Period 1: Kings 0, Stars 1

Period 2:
Yay!! Kings score, and it's Rob Blake, who I also think is older than my dad like Tom Cruise. Then there were a couple of good fights, the best one was when Tom Kostopopolous totally nailed a Stars guy. I'm talking like WFC, who am I and what am I doing here, knock-out. I'm saving that one on my Tivo. The other fight was Jeff Cowen who looks EXACTLY like my Uncle Pat, though I think Uncle Pat may actually be a better fighter. On then the Stars scored with like 5 seconds left, totally sucking out the 2nd intermission.

End of Period 2: Kings 1, Stars 2

Period 3:
So they show Dan Cloutier on the bench and Bob and Jim are talking about how stupid, useless and crappy he is when Heather says, and I quote, "Hey, who is that? HE'S CUTE." OMG! OMG! OMG! This can not be happening. OK, OK, OK... Modano looks like Tom Cruise and he's so hot and his teeth aren't really that big. Just don't get a crush on Cloutier, Heather. I am SO serious.

With about 5 minutes left Tom Kostopopolous scored a goal to go along with his smack down, but the Stars scored with like 5 seconds left in the game to win it. CHOKE! I'll bet Cloutier is happy right about now, because Garon NEVER did stuff like that before Cluotier came around.

Final Score: Kings 2, Stars 3

L8TR,

Tickles

Columbus Day Massacre

2006-10-28T10:40:00.000-07:00

Los Angeles Kings vs Columbus Blue Jackets

Period 1:
Well, the Kings were in Columbus last night and it was no Columbus Day holiday for the Kings. First, they started Dan Cloutier in goal (yuck!), so it probably isn't so bad that I didn't actually see the game. I went to the movies instead and saw The Grudge 2. All I could think about was that the blue grudge kid reminds me of Dan Cloutier, so yeah, the movie was pretty scary.

End of period 1: Kings 0, Columbus 1

Period 2:
Have you ever gotten a popcorn kernel stuck between your teeth? Ugghh! It really sucks, especially since my braces are all loose and my dad would just go like totally postal if he knew I was eating popcorn. Then I told my friend Heather that since that piece of corn was stopped from going down my throat, that my two front teeth now have a better save percentage than Dan Cloutier. We laughed, and everyone in the theater was all like "Shhh!", like they were missing something. Also, just so you know, there are like -ZERO- cute guys in this movie.

End of period 2: Kings 0, Columbus 1

Period 3:
OK, so after the movie we went to this Halloween party in the canyon, and there was like noooo cell reception. So I was like "Can you hear me now? Can you hear me now?..." all during the hay ride and Heather was laughing so hard she like almost peed herself. So I'm not sure what the final score was, but I'm sure Dan Cloutier let in like a bunch of dumb goals.

End of period 3: Kings ?, Columbus ?

Well, that was my first blog. I can't wait to do more for you guys. If you have any questions about hockey, Dan Cloutier or Constantine Maroulis ( you may know me from my other blog, constantdreamboat.blogspot.com) feel free to ask. I'm always happy to teach people new things.

L8TR,

Tickles